How’s it goin’ you f***in’ nerds?! So, it’s pretty much Internet common knowledge at this stage that Star Wars: the Last Jedi sucked
floppy donkey d***s. Which is a bit of a sh***r cause it could have been awesome! So in today’s
video Daddy Drivel’s gonna lay down “How I Would Fix Star Wars: the Last Jedi!”
Justice League film came out and we all agreed that it could have been much better. How… much better… do you ask? I’m glad you… asked. I’m justice – I’m Hareton Splimby the Second. And here’s “How I Would Fix the Justice League…Film”
Privyet, Comrades! Homelessness is at an all-time
high right now, which sucks, because in a country as wealthy as mine where there are more empty houses than homeless people we better have some strong reasons why some folks are left out in the cold. So here’s – “How I Would Fix the Housing Crisis!”
DA DA DUN!
DA DA DUN DUN DUN DA DUN DUN DUN!
of the titular hero Housing Market and his battle against one of comics’ most iconic
villains – The Housing Crisis! Only… even though the comic has been running for hundreds of years our hero never quite manages to defeat the villain. One of the things that makes Housing Crisis such an infamous bad guy is that he always just gets away. Every time our hero pulls out an amazing new gadget, or shows off a cool new power, or makes a new ally,
he never quite manages to overcome the Master of Mortgages, who always slinks away to hatch
another dastardly plot. Fans of the Housing Market series have been
wondering for centuries how it is that the story never quite reaches a climactic conclusion. And today, I have a wild fan theory about why. But before we get into the details, I don’t
wanna upset any of you superfans out there! I know everybody has their own favourite
Housing Market characters, whether it’s Millionaire Slumlord Mike Schaefer; Sir George
Iacobescu, CEO of Canary Wharf group, the largest landowners in London; or who could forget, Hugh Grosvenor, the 27 year-old billionaire and hereditary peer, whose secret identity
as the superhero Duke of Westminster makes him London’s wealthiest landlord by right
of birth alone. What an iconic character! And I don’t wanna step on anyone’s faves, here, so remember that my fan theory is strictly speculative: it’s all non-canon.
(Though it will of course prompt you to re-examine
the canon in a particular way that more closely aligns with the values that have guided my interpretation of it..)
actually one and the same character! INCEPTION BRAM Whhhaat? How can that be? How could Housing
Market – one of the most beloved comic book heroes of all time – secretly be his own villain?!
Well think about it: we know that Housing
Market and Housing Crisis came to Earth at almost the exact same time. Way back when the comics started in the Industrial Revolution Saga, characters were already referencing this mysterious villain. Coincidence? Maybe. But let’s think about this. What are our hero’s powers? What does Housing Market actually do? Well he distributes homes to people who can afford them; he encourages
developers to develop more; he lends money to people so they can get on the property
ladder… Hang on… Those are all the exact corollaries of the villain’s powers! Distributing homes only to people who can afford them is just the other side of the coin of Housing Crisis’
power to raise rents and increase house prices! Encouraging developers to develop more is what led to the birth of Gentrification, one of the series darkest secondary evildoers! And lending money to buyers was the basis of the villain’s plot in the 2008 storyline
Crisis of Infinite Subprime Mortgages! And for the final proof, look no further than
Housing Crisis’ most dangerous weapon – the one thing that makes this villain feared perhaps more than any other comic book bad guy. The Homelessness Ray. Since the comics began, the Homelessness Ray
has claimed countless characters, and struck fear into the hearts of countless more. But
here’s the thing: we already know that it’s canon – in the comics – that there are more empty houses than there are homeless people. So if the characters – in the comics – really wanted to they could end the Homelessness Ray overnight by just expropriating all those empty properties. But who is it who actually prevents them from doing that? Whose powers, although wielded in the name of “justice” and “fairness,” actually prevent properties
from being given away for free, even when there’s an abundance? Isn’t it awfully convenient that Housing Market’s powers are never enough to defeat Housing Crisis? Well in fact, they can’t! You can’t sell or build your way out of a crisis of distribution. So that means all of Housing Market’s allies – all those supporting characters like the politicians
who try to boost his powers of building new homes, or encouraging first time buyers, – are approaching the problem all wrong! They’re missing the key piece of evidence – in the comics – that there are enough homes already, so it’s not a
problem of supply. It’s a problem of willpower. It’s not about how many homes are made, it’s about how they are made i.e. as commodities to be bought and sold. And so Housing Crisis’ evil villain powers are maintained by people’s desire to keep the hero, Housing Market, around! Now to be clear, I’m not saying this is like
a Batman/Joker situation, where the villain is like the dark reflection of the hero, or like a Spiderman/Venom thing where the villain is separate from the hero but was like born out of their dark side… I think the writers of the comic book series have crafted a far more intricate storyline for us, where the hero and the villain are actually one and the same. The reason Housing Market can’t defeat Housing Crisis is because market and crisis are the same thing! Now before we go any further, I have to address
the elephant in the room. There is another popular fan theory that my theory flies in
the face of. Some fans of the comic believe that the real reason Housing Market has never
defeated Housing Crisis is because he simply hasn’t been allowed to. We all know that our
hero’s awesome powers are kept in check by his Green Belt of Regulation, and maybe
just maybe he could defeat Housing Crisis if only he was allowed to take off the belt and
unleash his true power. After all, as long as he wears it his powers can wax and
wane, and property developers can’t always count on the stability of his heroism. But, uh, here’s the thing guys – that
already happened in the comics. Over a hundred years ago during the Industrial Revolution
saga, which was set in England, Housing Market’s Green Belt of Regulation was a lot weaker.
Only Housing Crisis wasn’t defeated: if anything he got even stronger because most of the properties Housing Market was providing were dangerous, even deadly, being built mainly out of
cheap materials. All this was covered in the work of huge comicbook lover and nerdbro
Frederick Engels. And for more on why the Laissez Fiare fanboys are reading the comics
all wrong, here’s awesome nerd and comic book genius Mexie to talk about the series’
Number One sexiest character!
Housing Crisis. This is pure fantasy! Not only did nerdbro Engels show us what happened
when the belt was weakened during the Industrial Revolution saga, but the Laissez Faireboys
forget that we have a much more recent example! In Issue two-zero-sixteen in New York, Housing
Market was seduced by the beguiling AirBnB who claimed to be the secret weapon that Housing Market had been looking for. While their romance heated up, AirBnB convinced Housing Market to take long-term rentals off of the market, all while claiming that this was a great way to help working-class people top up their income. The prices skyrocketed! People were forced out of their neighbourhoods! Gentrification’s powers grew stronger and more and more people were struck with the Homelessness Ray! Some supergenius superfans, including the prolific Neil Smith, have uncovered that evildoer Gentrification’s
power comes from creating what are called ‘rent gaps’ — which happen when the rent that
landlords are receiving stagnates while the potential economic returns of that area
increase. This creates an incentive for real estate capital to redevelop to close the gap
and cash in on all of that potential, which, as we know, pushes people out of their neighbourhoods
and makes housing less affordable! Well, there’s a new theory that AirBnB is also having a sordid affair with Gentrification, since AirBnB is helping Gentrification to create new rent gaps out of nowhere and is ALSO providing the means to close them! THAT is a terrifying power! When AirBnB is in town, there is an immediate gap between the rent that landlords are getting and the potential returns they could get from switching to short-term
rentals. And they don’t even have to invest in redevelopment or improvement – all they have to do is evict their current tenant, or to fail to keep their long-term rental on the market
when their tenant moves on. This means that AirBnB is helping Gentrification to take over
and displace people from popular and up and coming or well-placed neighbourhoods, where
instead of wealthier long term residents coming in there are tourists. The only way that people
can stay long-term is if they’re rich enough to offer the host more money than what they
would get through AirBnB. So AirBnB is making this crisis GLOBAL, creating
gaps between what local landlords are receiving in rent and what they could earn if they welcome well-off tourists from around the world. So local residents are increasingly being forced to pay housing prices set by global rather than local demand. There are a lot of people are out protesting this, like in Barcelona and Amsterdam, but honestly most people
are just fully shipping Housing Market with AirBnB! And this is true that despite the fact that the majority of people capitalizing on AirBnB’s Sharing Economy powers are well-off white
people. In New York’s predominantly black neighbourhoods, white hosts earn a dramatically larger share of revenue than their share of the population.
Hosts were also found to be prone to reject African-American guests, tying Gentrification’s
powers with racial segregation. Over one quarter of revenue is earned by commercial hosts who
own multiple homes or three or more private room listings. Meanwhile, affordable
housing continues to decrease, unions for hotel workers are being weakened and jobs
lost; it’s such a mess. I personally think that AirBnB is also in bed with Housing Crisis too, which would make sense if they are in fact one and the
same person… But one thing is clear – the Green Belt of Regulation may be unequipped to defeat
Housing Crisis, but when the belt hits the floor, it is utter chaos. We can’t expect
ditching the belt to save us. We need some fresh new ideas to defeat Housing Crisis. Thanks Mexie! Don’t forget to check out
her awesome channel when you’re done here, for all kinds of cool videos about communis-
ABOUT COMICS. So does all this mean that Housing Crisis
is undefeatable? Will his reign of terror over the citizens of the world never cease? Not necessarily. I think if we accept
my theory that Housing Crisis and Housing Market are one and the same, we give the characters
– in the comics – a chance not just to defeat the bad guy but to start a whole new and exciting
franchise. Housing Market draws his power from the PropertyForce
– the psychic field that sustains private property in the minds of all free people.
And fair warning, I am going to indulge in a little fan fiction here. The series has been
running for hundreds of years but how would we conclude it? How would we like to see it end? In my ideal ending to the series, Housing
Market’s allies learn the awful truth that he’s secretly been the villain all
along and in a climactic showdown they throw him into the vortex of the PropertyForce killing Housing Market forever! But since Housing Crisis draws his evil power
from poverty and homelessness, killing Housing Market and destroying the PropertyForce doesn’t automatically make those things go away. Instead, all those the supporting characters have to come together do what they always hoped their old hero would: build something new. What would happen to all the properties that Housing Market used to watch over? What would happen to the all the little side characters, like the landlords? Well with the PropertyForce destroyed there are no more landlords! And really, I
think a lot of fans of the series would be happy with that change. It’s not like landlords are a super popular character right now. I mean they’ve been around a long time sure,
but it’s not like they have any cool powers. They’re basically the Jar Jar of the series at this point.
repairs, but the other characters in the comics could handle those things for less money
if landlords weren’t also charging rent on top! Without Housing Market landlords are powerless! So i guess they gotta find jobs producing something useful for society. And here’s the really awesome part: we already know it’s canon in the official comics that in some circumstances characters can have their homes forcibly bought out from under them – like in Issue two-zero-thirteen
when characters living in West Kensington in East London had their homes confiscated and demolished to make way for a new shopping centre. And if it’s already canon that people can have their property expropriated for a new mall, it’s not that much of a leap to say that they could be expropriated so people could actually live in them? Only this time, the money for that forced buyout would be all the rent that’s already been paid over the whole time the series has been running! And landlords just get to keep all that money; they still don’t have to give it back, which sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me. I mean yeah, you can’t take half of somebody else’s paycheck anymore, but you get to keep all the money you already took. And with no landlords, estate agents, or property developers Gentrification loses all his powers too. We might even see reverse gentrification, as folks from poorer neighbourhoods move in to empty homes in ritzy neighbourhoods that previously nobody could afford!
“But uh Niel, if that’s the case then who owns all the properties?”
Well that’s the awesome bit: Nobody does. You know what that means? That means that if a character – in the comics – has a job that they hate , or their boss is an asshole, or they need to take time offof work to care for a relative, or paint a painting, write a novel, go on a protest, join a union, get involved in politics, they can do it! They can say, “Screw you I don’t need your job anymore! I don’t need to make rent anymore because there is No More Rent!” That means that all the background characters, the little characters, who for so long have been playing second fiddle
to Housing Market as the hero of the series, they become the protagonists! OF THE COMIC. Yeah, it sucks if you’ve already paid half
a mortgage and you don’t get that money back but on the other hand at least you don’t have to pay the other half. And the end of the series, with the PropertyForce destroyed, who would the the big losers be? Rich landlords, banks who got people into debt, and people who were
using property to launder money – the very same villains who’ve been allied with Housing Crisis from Issue #1. Some fanfiction writers like to imagine that
the State could take over some of Housing Market’s powers, but that’s kindof already been explored in an alternate universe runs of the comics set in Russia which remains pretty controversial, even among fans. Although another comic book writer, called Hugo Chavez, wrote his own spinoff
series set in Venezuala, where he used the state to recognise small teams of Venezuelan
superheroes, called communes, and gave them the power to expropriate and administer property. That left the communes to do their own thing without the state getting too massive and bureaucratic but still gave those small teams of superheroes some backup and legal legitimacy when they needed it. It also meant that the powers they had were hard to take away again – if all the powers of the PropertyForce are transferred to the
State then all it would take is one bad election and the bad guy gets resurrected! Although speaking of the Global South, it is maybe worth remembering that we are talking here mainly about countries that are already really
rich, enriched by colonialism and exploitation abroad that has yet to be remedied. I mean the reason London has a lot of that extra housing stock is because it was a huge industrial centre, and the reason it was a huge industrial centre mainly because it was a city through which imperial plunder flowed for centuries. IN THE COMICS.
But, however the series does conclude, I
hope that we can all keep dreaming up new ways to take it forward and let the story grow and evolve,
so that people all over the world can get to know the great characters and comics that we all love!
Thanks so much for watching you awesome nerds!
is a massive waste of human life.
It’s completely avoidable, it’s totally unnecessary, and frankly it’s a moral crime that we continue to treat shelter as a commodity that can be bought and
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Its proper name is ‘The Clockmaker’s Magic Pendulum’
DA DA DUN! DA DA DA DA, DUN DA DUN DUN DUN!
She makes videos like mine except good.